streptococcus (Таня Гулериа)
258 269
Mar 1, 2014, 12:23 PM

Jelly-belly 

  Poetry » Humour
1341 0 2

 

You're on the first place of my list.
It's impossible me to resist.
In this world that has turned into farm,
You possess the allmightiest charm.

There's nothing I can really do,
Cause I'm thinking only of you,
And I'm spinning like a satellite,
And I'm loosing áll of my spite.


There is something I don’t want you hear,

So I’ll whisper it to the deaf ear.
When I see you I'm melting like jelly –
You’re the man with the sexiest belly.

© Таня Гулериа All rights reserved.

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  • за първата забележка благодаря, за to и аз знам това, но с него ми се губи ритъма.
  • Браво, Таня! Имам само 2 малки забележки: В първия куплет almightiest се пише с едно l,а не с две и в третия куплет, в първия стих липсва един предлог "to" - There is something I don't want you to hear. Но дори и така стихотворението е достойно за 6!
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