The daily activities became something I can’t run from even if I wanted to just for a moment. The feeling like everything is old was keeping the days, and weeks go by. After every night shift I found that there is no other better way to relax than a glass of beer, sometimes even two, make forget the same and just be you. After unconsciously browsing over internet night after night I thought maybe I could find something that I like to watch. So there it became part of my daily activities after work. After watching Sex and the city night after night, I realized how connected I am to the whole theme. Beer after beer, night after night I was living through their problems, and was feeling for them too. In some time I got to the point thinking I am part of this TV show, not in my fantasy but in my real life. After high school all was left was four of us, girls, good friends having problems, and discussing it every time we had a chance to talk to. Was that my movie? I did not know yet, but I started exploring.

     Let’s draw down the basics. There were four middle age women, being together in each other’s life’s, birthdays, weddings, babies, break ups, depression. They were battling the same issues life throws at you, like us. That was what was all about in the movie wasn’t it? But in our lives we were just middle 20’s girls discovering what it is to grow up. One was having a serious boyfriend. She was ready for her life with him. She knew it, maybe we didn’t want to be, but somewhere deep in my heart I knew she was. She was feeling great, being loved, sharing every good moment with her future husband to be. The other one no matter how much she was pretending that she does not get it, we all knew she does. Her loneliness became part of her daily route for quite some time. Her life was taking different direction and it was becoming harder and harder to actually find the man she need it to. Sometimes the question was does she really want a man she needs, or does she really need a man she wants? We weren’t sure either. The third one was browsing over the variety picking one after another, making sure she has not missed anything in life. Her problem was actually finding a guy after which she could know she does not need to be up there worrying that she might miss something better in life. We knew she would make a decision soon, we were just not sure yet, how long it will actually take. And at the end there is me, don’t know why my three girls would see me as a young Carrie Bradsow, but I was thrilled to be part of our movie. I had once been in love, so deep and pure, could not see my life without it. Suddenly it happened; I was alone, not long after that started meeting new people. Even if I was sure about it now, I knew I was mistaken. While talking to my girlfriends I would refer to my past relationship, with my one and only love I had, and that would not bring up good comments. They could not understand why me, living in a perfect world, as they would refer, I can still think about something way back in the past. Having a normal life, with a job, a second language, friends, and a relationship would want to move on and explore the new. It was time for me and I knew it. I was just not sure if after my experience I would be left alone crying or having a smile one after another. Maybe at the end I would really end up with my one and only love of my life.

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