hey, remember me?

it's been a while.

i just couldn't forget that gorgeous smile

i know this might sound a bit wild,

but you remind me of when i was a child

you remind me of the endless summer days

and the way the clouds played with the sunrays

maybe you remind me of myself? maybe, you remind me of myself.

i find it burdensome how we both grew up

and forgot about our pure, childish love (if there was, indeed, love at all);

about the time we used to call each other "mine";

the days i used to be the only thing you wanted to see;

a princess lying on the ground, waiting only to be found

and you were the one who said, 'it's done'

how do you forget such a thing?

how do you keep silent when you want to scream?

i feel empty on the inside now, but i will speak, if you allow:

you took a part of me i'll never get back

threw me in an abyss that was cold and pitch-black

wandered around the eerie space, craving for a warming embrace

i grew up wistful with a hole, because of the missing piece you stole

it could've been a memory or a wish - the thing you took

but you had it out of me demolished

and a tree without its roots

might die like thee without fruits

to sugar up the soul

to cover up... the hole

and suddenly i find myself covered in leaves

with a soul so broken that just grieves

and laments for the one thing you took

'cause i feel naked - like an uncovered book

left out on the shelve, 

trying to comfort itself

you didn't take a memory or just a wish, i know

you took something that was part of me long time ago

and this i call... my childhood

i don't know if it's for good

but in my childhood there were you

sitting by every memory and every wish

there were you,

the person who made out of me what i am now

and thus, for this i don't know whether i should thank you

and forgive you, if you allow,

or break the chains

and stop asking when and how

you disappeared

and took the one thing i called mine,

the one thing i myself designed -

the love i had for you

you took it and it disappeared with you

and writing all this kinda makes me sad

it doesn't change a thing, thus not making me feel glad

it can't bring people back

it can't suddenly remove the lack

how about the people that i've hurt?

the ones at who i threw tons of dirt,

because i didn't want to hear the truth they used to say

about how my face gradually turned grey,

how fighting for you wasn't worth it

facts and words i was too afraid to admit

not because i felt like you were the one

but because you had something that you'd won,

you had something that i didn't want to be gone

because losing you meant losing something else

and no matter how much a person tells me:

'you will see, in time you will be free'

i knew you had it all in the palms of your hands

and i couldn't do a thing but follow your commands

though i thought it was unreal,

though there was nothing left to feel,

you had my childhood with my memories and dreams

and no matter how silly and strange it seems,

you had me at my knees as if thrown down by some kind of disease

yet, somehow you had something i don't even want back -

my heart and my love with it

i'm sick of the pain and humiliation -

quit it

if happiness means getting rid of things, take it. take it all -

my memories, my dreams, my childhood -

drown them all

the years have made me numb

but i'm not stupid, i'm not dumb

once a glass is broken you can't have it back on

and look at it as if nothing's wrong

if a piece is missing, there shall never be a complete image

and i'd rather forget your goddamn visage,

'cause i'm sick of walking on broken glass

i'm sure the pain will be gone, time will pass

but no matter how much i convince myself

that hate and pain will be gone by themselves

i know that i'll never be complete,

that love shall never be so sweet

as when i had you by my side,

as when i didn't

have

to 

fight

nevertheless, i'm wiping off those tears,

trying to forget those mellow years

never looking back,

too scared of what i might see,

because there you'll be -

waving at me for goodbye,

waiting to see how i will cry

from your ignorance and your cruelty

because there i was

and forever shall be

forever yours,

and never me.

21.08.2013